Split personality..
A part of me feel so desperate to shop but the other is so emotional :(
Former because of Chinese New Year that I haven't get any appropriate clothes for the occasion (shoes, accessories, etc -bags are not a worry). Thank my blog song for the latter persona.
Skipped school today and Thursday would be it too. Anyhow will let me attend the last day of school for the semester - Friday.
The first thing I am so gonna buy is that pink/lavender/deep red PSP I have been eyeing for quite some time. iPod classic and phones can wait. Oh wells.
Having been raised in a single parent family for a decade (and counting), it feels really good and happy [only to realize how fortunate they are] to sit in a friend's family's dinner. Just like any normal day for them, in a cozy 3 room flat. Sighs. I can't foresee myself living in a relatively big house in a few months time, having a whole storey to myself, facing only inanimate objects. My mother don't really talk to me that much, less 'bout my dad. He has got his own family with a loving wife and two adorable and lively sons. Sometimes I think I am disregarded. Some may think I am a rebel (based on this paragraph) who seeks all the attention from parents and family but can you imagine not receiving a call/sms/meetup with your Dad for more than a year now. We seldom meet annually. Shocking? No, once a year is considered a burden to him. Mom has her own family too.
Family, I wish I had one. Not like living separately with my mother is not enough (seeing her maybe.. once a week?) but I am afraid and mentally abused by the people living under the same roof as me now. My grandfather hates me and I know it. From his deepest, he thinks I'm evil. My grandmother tells my darkest and most fragile side to my mom ONLY to receive more scoldings and accusations. My younger uncle is a phobia. I don't even dare to speak or behave anything less than a princess in his presence.
That's why I have never ever confided in my family before. Not once. Every once in a while I would ask Darling (my only source of everything - that's how precious he is to me) the difference between me and an orphan?
Having more material goods I guess. Most of them would have been happy, at least.
I'm starting to feel that material goodness sucks. I should start to love them though, because that is the only way I know that I exist.
Former because of Chinese New Year that I haven't get any appropriate clothes for the occasion (shoes, accessories, etc -bags are not a worry). Thank my blog song for the latter persona.
Skipped school today and Thursday would be it too. Anyhow will let me attend the last day of school for the semester - Friday.
The first thing I am so gonna buy is that pink/lavender/deep red PSP I have been eyeing for quite some time. iPod classic and phones can wait. Oh wells.
Having been raised in a single parent family for a decade (and counting), it feels really good and happy [only to realize how fortunate they are] to sit in a friend's family's dinner. Just like any normal day for them, in a cozy 3 room flat. Sighs. I can't foresee myself living in a relatively big house in a few months time, having a whole storey to myself, facing only inanimate objects. My mother don't really talk to me that much, less 'bout my dad. He has got his own family with a loving wife and two adorable and lively sons. Sometimes I think I am disregarded. Some may think I am a rebel (based on this paragraph) who seeks all the attention from parents and family but can you imagine not receiving a call/sms/meetup with your Dad for more than a year now. We seldom meet annually. Shocking? No, once a year is considered a burden to him. Mom has her own family too.
Family, I wish I had one. Not like living separately with my mother is not enough (seeing her maybe.. once a week?) but I am afraid and mentally abused by the people living under the same roof as me now. My grandfather hates me and I know it. From his deepest, he thinks I'm evil. My grandmother tells my darkest and most fragile side to my mom ONLY to receive more scoldings and accusations. My younger uncle is a phobia. I don't even dare to speak or behave anything less than a princess in his presence.
That's why I have never ever confided in my family before. Not once. Every once in a while I would ask Darling (my only source of everything - that's how precious he is to me) the difference between me and an orphan?
Having more material goods I guess. Most of them would have been happy, at least.
I'm starting to feel that material goodness sucks. I should start to love them though, because that is the only way I know that I exist.
posted by Vanessa (: at
1:49 PM
1 Comments:
hi dearie..
i felt that this post is truly from u.. i heart you!!
pls dun feel very unappreciated or un-loved because there are people out there who truly cares for you. Open your heart and you will develop a strong independent self where you can be able to make many many friends, and even reach out to those youths who are suffering.
jia you! ^^
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