我要快乐

我要快乐

But I don't know how to go about it.

I WILL PSYCHO MYSELF for I am a psychic.

need to numb myself again... vicious cycle~ going back to what i used to be in sec2 (:

LOL

It's bad sometimes when I can't type out what I feel. SIGH.

I've been sighing the whole day though.

For things that matter, and things that should not. Eh I feel like shitting. NVM.

Well, I just finished presenting so there's some extra time for me to type this post when other's are presenting. First group to present la, that's why.

It's everything about blood disorder + loads of alien scientific terms. But it was supposed to be easy but our Dear Facilitator made it so tough. For eg, she kept talking about mRNA and tRNA making them sound so difficult that after research, there were just transferring amino acids to the messengerRNA. DAMMIT. LOL

Still very in love with SeokEng <3 Cos she has been brainwashing and psychoing me everyday, thank you girl! BUT! I've been sinking into that spiral of ______ deeper and deeper. Crying in class is not a sight anymore.

dying.

soon.

now.

because i think i know what is going on, and that strips sanity off me.

damn random

SIAO LIAO.

I don't seem able to concentrate on lessons anymore.



Then I started fooling around with everyone's phones in my group. Aiya, 3 of us only. That's YingJing and my phones. Photo credit to James phone. Ey, I just feel like blogging. Damn sian. It's cognitive on Science and Technology. Btw, class broke record ytd with only 7 ppl. The faci must have been glad. Just grade all else an X and only look through 7 RJs, 28 (or less) evaluations and most probably less than 7 quizzes (our damn slack class) and 2 ppts tops.

I <3 Seokeng for listening to all my grumbles. WAHAHA! And the entire class to bear with my emo songs and singing. Yajie for turning me from a damn emo person to a damn hysterical siao kia. Now we are cracking our heads to invent something totally impossible. A combination of Science and Technology without plagiarising anything else that we know of. WTF.

I still want to blog.

Oh! Feel like getting another e530c (which is the same as my phone now) but a different colour. Cos there's no other phone that lets me type endlessly with comfort (ergonomically unique~), colourful and compact. What else man. Caters to all my needs also with a super long battery life. I love gadgets that can last me for a long long time since this phone has already surpassed it's predicted survival age of 2 years *pops champagne*.

The stupid Nasi Lemak vendor from w1 (not the pushcart) sells hotdogs with black pepper and I thought it was going to taste good, at least to me. But the dish tasted just like black pepper crab. And I don't like BlackPepper Crab. Though other flavours are loved.

Why am I going for band to get stupid CE points than to attend the Shakspeare's 8 weeks workshop? SIGH. 8 points some more leh! Sway sway on tues and thurs, so SIGH!

~ Romeo o Romeo ~ Bet yajie, seokeng and goldie's gonna kill me. LOL

FOUND the nature of science and technology! EEE, see I'm this bored.

Just came back from the toilet but I feel like shitting now. BLEAH. with seokeng. LOLS.
We all want the same phone!

I miss having kids running around.

I can't find the pros and cons of science and technology. Erm, have la. Humanistically, not scientifically. Shit. BOOBOO~

There's band later. Going to play Jupiter again! Cheers~ Train train train practice practice practice.

PATRICIA LIM BEIYUN is the ASL. And I'll be the SL in April. What is the difference huh? Sue say ASL is saikang warrior and I'm just going to sit there to teach and slack. WHEE~ Got nice testimonial yet can slack. Pity pat. Sue still say Pat has got the saikang warrior face. HAHA! Somehow Pat was caught laughing in front of her laptop by the rankings of the Saikang. So cute! I'm going to pinch you~ your chubby chubby blushy blushy cheeks!

James yao bei wo qi si le.

OK. Nvm.

He said he didn't do anything.

We just found out that Ziqqy and Hanny's dads are STARS. Ziqqy's dad is a star drummer and Hanny's dad is a singer. WOW~

Ok, so my mom's a STAR agent.LOL.

Now Goldie don't feel like going for band. NONO, i'll be able to psycho. TEEHEEHEE~

elaincandicefelix

WAHAHAHHAHA

my class is great.

Tired

The more I think, the more tired I become.

WHY THE GOHONZON was I so gullible?

I know I give trust to people easily, fall into traps easily if I was blinded. SIGH.

我不要再谈恋爱了!

My iPod is keeping me alive but depressed~ no other alternatives, I guess.
Dun sms or call me alright. Anything cept for passing me things, meeting up for necessary purposes, telling me important things that I have to know. That's about it.

-Gastric-

The Very Last Post for YOU

*crosses fingers that u're not reading this*

SKIPPED SCHOOL TODAY =((

All these are like a dream that co-exists with a terrible nightmare. You have brought me to heaven and down to hell.

Elain, Felix and Candice will forever be missed by ME! haha. They are too adorable.

ANYWAY, I'm as blank as a sheet of paper now. LOL. Forgot all I want to say.

OH! And I sense someone coming into the picture. haha.

This will be the last time. It is the last time.

All the best to you and take care (esp your health and your freshly sprained ankle).

GOODbye.

Shunzo Ohno Day!

Waiting for my hair to dry. DANGGGGG

I felt damn guilty turning down Charyl again for the YWD training today =( But I'll die die attend next week's one on successor of smth. Aiya. All because of the dialogue session with Shunzo Ohno (a trumpeter, DAMN famous one, FYI, go google la!) that all representatives of Arts & Cultural groups have to be there. So I have to be there. DUH!

It was held at St 81. Learnt alot, saw alot of familiar faces (duh), chanted seriously and took photos! Lazy to share here. HAHA! That shows how much I have learnt ok. And having SOMEONE to treat me to Shunzo Ohno's concert later on held at ICA. Best trumpeter I've ever heard, seen and feel yet. All the attributes, don't need me to say la.

General Director pat a pat on my shoulder. OMG. Damn shocked can. *hyperventilates*

LOL!

Anyway, Mommy got a puppy at her place! It's a pedigree Shih Tzu (: Saw the photos, very beautiful fur. Her name is Cherry. I should have been there to name her Diana, Elizabeth, Keira, Barrymore, Knightley or something of this sorts. HAHA! mad mad mad

I'M MAD.

*hair's still not dry*

Later will be RPWS performance at Youth Park. Our item starts at 4, I think. Come support k? Heh. That also means that I have to be in sch by 10am. Like shit. I think I'll still be drying my hair then. Worst thing?? We can't go home right after that perf! Just to help the percussion to shift back their instruments. Fucking tired can. OMFG. They always think that Monday is still a weekend. Files not packed, scores not arranged. Therefore, Goldie and I have a secret mission tmr (; I feel damn evil.

BY THE WAY!!

My holiday's around the corner. 1 week. Next week.

DATE ME (:

hugs.

Act Tough

The song that made me cry - kind of old, but it just reminds me of you:

HERE!

I have to act tough. I have to. The Vanessa who accepts anything whether good or bad that comes in her way.

Listening to canto songs, also can cry.

Guys, I am in no mood to get into a relationship again, at least for now and a long long time from now.

I seriously dunno how you can get over things so fast.

I've put in too much, too much.

Get a hold of yourself, van.

Don't sms me gd morning msgs and anything else of this sort. Ok, don't sms me. My inbox is full and i refuse to clear it, with damn good reasons that friends would slap me for.

Another msg for consolation or anything will make me throw my phone or tear my sim card.

Don't worry, we are friends. Just friends, nothing else.

I think I need a warmer for my hands.

Friends. The Best excuse ONES ever(:

?

things sorta changed...

no more love.

Though this may seem very comical, but it did happen.

3 days of love.
3 days of passion.
3 days of understanding.
3 days of sa jiao.
3 days of the bestest moments I ever had in my life.
3 days of sweet dreams.
3 days of he-loves-me.
3 days of i'm-deeply-in-love-with-him.
3 days of i-thought-he's-the-one.

and many more.

It happened so quickly that I couldn't even come back to my thoughts and blink.

After 3 days,

Responsibilities popped out and said BYEBYE.

Let me: What the fucking hell!

sry.

I still foolishly hold on to it tightly.

Sent a dozen/more of touchy messages.

Those 'HAVEN'Ts', tortures me.

In the end, in the end, it was still endless sorries and bye-bye s.

I thought if there's love, everything can be solved. Giving support to cross that hurdle, or even not. I was willing, I said everything to assure, to no avail. That's very saddening ok.

No concentration at all, lost all focus, lost directions. Suddenly, everything just turned black. Like power failure.

解铃还需系铃人.

I'm that emo~ Yes I am.

Worst thing? I haven't got a chance to sit down and talk to Mr V. Only communication through sms/msn. MrV, maybe if u meet me, and slap me, I'll wake up, I think.

This post is super not me. But I am becoming like that. Lost.

cos...
i still love you

STUPID 1DAY FACI

She gives us a limitation of 5 freaking slides ONLY.
BUT there damn alot of things to talk about which she say there IS.
DISCRIMINATION.

Fuck.

And she makes the morale of the team [ziqq, samm, james and i] down.

Ziqqy's nick: FUCKING SLUT FACI
Sammy's nick: we cannot be God but we can have a little of His merciful nature in us

Ziqqy and Sammy tio suan.
Now Dilly.

NABEH CHEEBYE. Someone just insulted me again. OPENLY in class. FUCK. TWICE today. Stupid.
I shall discriminate you. SHORTIE.

Let's see who's next.

Lust Caution II

"Lust, Caution" | An elegant and explicit tale of espionage

By Moira Macdonald

Seattle Times movie critic

Eileen Chang's short story "Lust, Caution," about a young woman who enters a dangerous game of espionage in 1940s occupied Shanghai, is written with a quiet precision; its sentences sparkle like the diamonds on the fingers of the mahjong-playing ladies who open and close the story. Ang Lee's film adaptation, scripted by Wang Hui Ling and James Schamus, fills in what's not said in Chang's prose; it's an explicit, leisurely opening-out of an understated, tight story. Like the two opposing forces in the title (a theme in Lee's work: "Sense and Sensibility," "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"), the book and the film compliment and balance each other; each is, in its way, a rich experience.

Wong Chia Chi (Tang Wei, in a luminous film debut) is a student actress at a Hong Kong university, happily dazzled by the unexpected rush of stage performance. Falling in with a group of student rebels, she soon puts her acting skills to use: Posing as an elegant but unhappy wife, she catches the cold eye of Mr. Yee (Tony Leung Chiu-wai, moody and dark), a government official and target of the students' assassination plot. Their eventual affair is both passionate and chilling; she's performing, without the safety of a curtain coming down.

Though "Lust, Caution" in prose is a story of sex and transformation, its bedroom scenes are discreetly shielded. When Wong learns that, in order to be convincing to Mr. Yee, she must lose her virginity to one of the student rebels, Chang conveys the event with a quiet "And so the show went on." Lee, instead, shows us the moment — the grimness of her face, the mechanical quality of this strange "rehearsal" — revealing to us what she is letting slip away. The movie's sex scenes between Wong and Mr. Yee are explicit, deliberate and at times brutal, beginning with a rape and evolving into long passages of complex intertwining. He at times looks barely present; she, her lipstick turned blurry, looks like she's trying not to be. "He worms his way into my heart," she bitterly tells her collaborators.

Like "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford," another elegant adaptation opening this week, "Lust, Caution" has a stately pace (it's nearly 2 hours and 40 minutes) that sometimes works against it. You become all too aware of the passing of time, even as you're seduced by the elegance of Lee's images and sounds: the precision of Wong's makeup in her disguise, giving sharp focus to a young face not quite formed; the mahjong tiles delicately clicking on the table, like the rapid hooves of tiny horses carrying unspoken secrets. The game goes on, as the story sadly fades away; a tragedy, without a final bow.

Read this!

I'm dying.

I really did try my best, I did.

I wanted to cheer myself up despite all that has been happening.

I tried, really hard.

I know you weren't at fault.

But I was very upset.

Very very upset.

Very very lonely.

Very very sad.

happy anniversary. i just had to type that out.

ANGER took over.

BOO. You SUCK.

Lust Caution

I just got lectured by Mommy because of overspending. Sigh. Of course got some other things as well.

Caught "Lust Caution" just now.



Terrific movie, I would say. Looking at the passion and overwhelming emotions lying underneath clear waters. Though love does wonders, it destroys too. Not suitable for people who do not have a good grasp of Mandarin or the faint-hearted of sex. Lots of sex scences. Looks more on the M18 side though it's NC16. If not how I watch? DUH. But I had alot of 'gan chu' after watching this show. Don't know how to say lar. WAHAAHAHAHHHAH!

smell like a baby [:

Hey! Gorgeous @ RP

As u can see from the title. Because RP students know when are they coming to film, most were overly dressed until very kua zhang (exaggerating)! Some wore bling clothes till it's so blinding to the eye, super fitting red short dress (worn by not a very desirable body) and, more that you cannot imagine.

Registered for the revantage- passion card with 'Honey' aka Hanny aka Suhana, LOL. Luckily the date and time for collection for the card is at the Youth Park where RPWS is going to perform (((: *grins*

'Honey' left halfway, left with Dilly and I to watch the performances by the chosen boys and girls for the Hey! Gorgeous show. Was so disappointed~ DANG. I always see uber handsome and chio people hanging around in sch. WHERE ARE THEY?? Grr, that's why I always say people with darn good qualities will not appear in this kinda shows. Wasted. Cos I just saw a very very handsome guy while I was taking 902 to sch ytd. Smackin good can.

s.i.g.h

I'm starting to dislike science cos the faci (really look, behave, think, like meow leng. HAHA!) gives all not bad students C. OMFG. Don't want to mention more already, if not I can suffocate.

Sorry darling for the 94 missed calls and countless messages.

I LOVE YOU <3

Hoodies Cam-whore!

Yesterday was Science on Physcis with Chemistry, so that explains the collage ^^
HEHE! Suhana's wearing Ziqqy's hoodie, btw.


*and I was told by either Dilly/Ziqqy or both that the "z" in zomg stands for zillion, so I created a "iomg" which stands for infinity omg. They said it was sooo bimboistic. BLEH.

Whatever. With the rarity that I will dislike comms lesson, I hate today's one. Because, everyone is literally fighting for grades, and for their chance to talk. I HATE IT!

FUCK.

and i thought today's a power team, sucks.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DILLY (: You're 20. iomg. haha!

Hyper

There was 1 team,

then 2 teams,

AND NOW?? 3 teams ))):

But Dillon's at the other group now. saddened. Luckily there's Suhana and Haziq here. And another girl, whoever. HA!

Therefore lesson time would be postponed to 3:30pm. Sigh.

BUT BUT BUT~

I'm going for mani and pedi with Yajie later! Mommy also coming XD
Goldie's going to Taiwan with ME! LOL, with the band la.
There will definitely be loads of fun. WITH WITH : yajie also.

wahaha! I seriously dunno what I am talking about and I'm supposed to do work now.. Whole group's working and mojojojo's beside me too.

WOOHOO~

I need to blog.

For whatever reasons, I find the need to blog. SIGH.

Life has been really boring ever since Mommy started chiong-ing over work after coming back from holiday in order to achieve better quality trips for herself sometimes and me during school holidays. As long as she stop splurging on brands when she travels, it's enough to heal. Haha.

And not so very often, I get to watch Friday Rendezvous, missed my district meeting (as good as missing Leh Leng's voice), performed, get to know lots of shocking news, go to school, go to school, come home, come home, sleep, sleep, grocery shopping thinking of dishes to improvise on, do some weird researches, gazing gleefully at pretty clothes, packing my cupboard (worse than anything else), etc etc etc.

I can never ever believe that HW is married with a child coming! SIGH. Just cannot imagine. But I just like the song he sang to his wife during the wedding dinner. It was so so so touching! And bless him for being a singer, that's y it's nice. LOL. Very meaningful too.

State of shock when I heard the 'news' last night when MM told me what happened. gosh. EEYER! Quite grossed out~ (I'm evil, think things that way, k? Then probably you will get what I mean).

Ok ok, back to Friday Rendezvous.
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Ladies and Gentlemen, I have an announcement to make
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YIHENG SANG! Yes, it's YiHeng! zomg.
I'm so damn proud of him. Really really proud (:
Surprisingly, I spotted Jerry studying upstairs, with KaiYang coaching him. I can only wish him all the best la~

RPSD people came and look for me just now and then I realized there's quite a handful of facilitators from Gakkai also. *claps* so happy :)

I'm tired. I'm happy. I'm lazy.

I can't say.